Hello! I am 2 months old now. Yay for me!

A week from today, it's back to work. Actually, a week from right now, I will be home from my first day back. This is a comforting thought, because the first day back is supposed to be the hardest. I have mixed feelings about my return to the office. On the one hand, I am going to be so sad to leave my babe all day. Also add in all that working mom guilt, thoughts of "what if he forgets I'm his mom?", worries my milk will dry up and other garbage, and I am sure what I am feeling is horrible yet so common as to be cliche. On the other hand, I look forward to reactivating another area of my life, which helps me to feel connected with other adults and a whole community and proud both of the work I do and of the fact that I help support my family. I am trying to focus on that second "hand" and be positive. I am also so thankful that I have a good job, a wonderful baby and great child care.

Yes - child care. This has been a recurring theme in my life over the past months, although I haven't blogged about it. I am so blessed to live in a place where a "normal" family can afford full-time help. In fact, in Mexico having a nanny is actually cheaper than daycare in many cases. From the beginning (and by beginning I mean I think we started talking about this before we conceived), Fran and I have planned on getting a nanny. We thought we could even have the nanny and baby go to my mother-in-law's house every day, where there are always people around — people who would love to hang out with W and could keep an eye on things, without having to worry about diapers, burping and other less glamorous aspects of childcare.

Part of my maternity leave was supposedly dedicated to finding this nanny. We interviewed one candidate before W's birth, a relative of our housekeeper. She seemed fine, but was a bit young. Before I tell you how young, remember this is Mexico and people often start to work (especially as domestics) at a relatively young age. So, yes, she was 16 years old - a high school dropout. We didn't reject her out of hand, but she was not the dream candidate. And once W was actually born, it seemed less and less ideal. Once you have that itty bitty baby in your arms, the panic sets in. Daycare, which I never really considered, started to look better and better. I mean, I know this most likely would not have happened, but my paranoid side was thinking, "what if she gets frustrated and shakes him?" "what if something happens and she doesn't know what to do?" and so on.

The answer to prayers came in the form of the lady who is already working for us — the 16 year old's aunt. The friend who actually referred her to us around two years ago agreed to release her from her duties at her house, and we convinced her to work for us five days a week. All I can say is thank GOD! This is someone we like and trust completely. She is honest, dependable and the mom of three girls, so she knows how to care for kids. We trust her alone with the baby, so she will be here with him some days and at W's abuelita's house some days.

Today was the nanny's first day as a nanny (actually nanny/housekeeper, as she will continue to keep things neat and tidy when W is asleep or otherwise occupied). I was overly anxious about this as I wasn't sure what to do all the time. I mean, I think a week of "training" is definitely more than enough. Show her how to warm the milk, change the cloth diapers and operate the bouncy seat, and then what? However, I have decided to make the most of it so she and W can get used to each other and I can get some long showers and naps in. I did have my moments of sadness (I actually missed him while I had my nice long shower and getting-dressed time), but it was really nice having someone around, to change diapers, hold him, etc. Many days I have at least one moment where I become incredibly frustrated with the crying, lack of sleep and inability to get anything done around the house. Today, I didn't feel that. At times I held him, fed him and played with him, but at times I read or laid down or wrote in his baby book. And when the nanny went home, I was delighted to have him all to myself, playing and interacting with him with a level of enthusiasm I am often unable to summon on other days.

So, maybe this will be OK after all. Right, working moms? Please tell me this will be OK!