It seems like the closer we get to the big day, the more time we spend trying to learn about being parents. From birth class to possibly hypnobirthing class to reading, googling, etc. it's gotten pretty busy!

This week, through my work, Fran and I were able to hear Dr. Michael Thompson speak. I think some people thought we were pretty silly to attend talks about "The Pressured Child" and "The Emotional Lives of Boys" when we don't have a child yet, nor do we know if it's a boy. But it was SO interesting.

Dr. Thompson is a child psychologist who works at a school in Boston and also writes books and travels around, doing presentations like the ones we attended. He is an outstanding speaker and I encourage you to hear him and read his books if you have the chance.

Monday night, the theme was pressure, mostly school-related pressure. The talk was based on his book, The Pressured Child. One of the things he talked about was how most adults have forgotten what it's like to be in school, and that we like to idealize it or see it as preparation for life, etc., when really it's a just long-distance hike, while kids try to learn and at the same time are experiencing incredible social, physical and other changes. I hadn't thought about the nitty-gritty of school in awhile, but this talk brought it all back — the clock-watching, the excruciating self-awareness, the knowledge that parents don't really know what school is like, etc. And that's coming from someone who really enjoyed school and was pretty good at it.

One of his best anecdotes was how he asked a little boy why he didn't tell his mother much about school — you know, the classic question "How was school today?" and the classic answer "Fine." You know what the little boy said, when asked why he stuck with that one-word answer? He said, "There's nothing she can do about it." So true! Even in an age of so-called helicopter parenting, most parents have no idea what their kids go through every day. So, I hope as a parent I can think of some better questions to ask, and have some respect for what my child goes through. Most importantly, Dr. Thompson said that if a child has some connections with other kids and some adults, feels recognized for something and has a sense of mastery in some way, that child is probably going to be fine.

Tuesday night was boy night. Dr. Thompson has written extensively about boys and what makes them tick. Also a fascinating talk! We don't even know what we're having, but we suspect it's a boy. So it was pretty funny when I lined up to get my book signed. Dr. Thompson had no clue what to write. He was like, "Sloane.... who went to Harvard-Westlake?" (that was a joke - we had previously discussed my school background and that is clearly what stood out in his mind). Then of course he wanted to know if I was expecting a boy, and when I said I didn't know, he just settled for "Sloane, congratulations!" It was kind of awkward! I think he wanted to write, "Sloane, you nutjob, I have no idea what you're doing here."

Anyway, in the talk, we heard a lot about the physicality of boys, about their special relationships with their moms and their great admiration for their dads, about why they're falling behind girls in many areas. We left feeling a bit scared about possibly having a son, but also knowing that you have to let them be boys, wrestle, write about violence instead of unicorns in kindergarten, read sci-fi instead of "good literature" and maybe even stop talking to you much when they're teenagers.

I'm getting prepared but not quite SO prepared that I can start reading these books. But the moment I find out for sure it's a boy, I am definitely going to read these books: It's a Boy! and Raising Cain. Highly recommend for moms and dads of boys out there!